Rosalie's Hatred
by Quiet Milk
Summary: A drabble-y one shot focusing on why Rosalie hates everyone. Rating for rape and language.


**Drabble-y one shot focusing on why Rosalie hates everyone. **

It was just Carlisle and myself at home. He was bent over a thick book, ignoring me. I twirled my hair in my fingers absently admiring the different hues of gold. Carlisle's hair was lovely and thick, and if for some reason I couldn't have my hair, I'd settle for his. He ran his hand over his head. His calm and pleasant demeanour always pissed me off. How could he be so content with this fucking life?

"Rosalie?" My adopted father's concerned voice stirred me. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, and relished briefly as I felt my hair swish prettily around my head. I _do _love my hair. He went back to his book. I hated Carlisle. He made me this unchanging creature. He made me feel this pain every day, and he made me unable to have the one thing I wanted.

****

Esme gave me her trademark sympathetic smile. We'd gone for a stroll downtown, Edward and Carlisle stayed home having some 'man time' or something. I wasn't really listening. We had come across a young family, a mother, a father and a tiny newborn child. The small amount of satisfaction I received from being ogled by the father was diminished the moment I lay eyes on the baby. Esme greeted them and we continued walking. I could feel her giving me pitying glances every couple of minutes. I wished she would stop. I wished she would get over the fact she thought she knew what I was feeling.

"Rosalie. Maybe one day you could adopt, like I have?" She murmured. I struggled to keep my composure, I wanted my own babe. And how would it work, me being eighteen and having a seventeen year old child?

"I don't think that would work, Esme." I replied coldly. She wrung her hands and didn't say anything until we got home. I hated Carlisle, and I hated Esme. I hated this life.

****

God I hated Edward, the smug bastard. He sat across the room from me, grinning as he trawled through my thoughts.

"Do you mind?" I hissed.

"Not at all."

I began to braid my hair, and brought up the most painful of my memories. The pain it would cause me would be the same to him. It would teach him for fucking around with my mind. I thought of my last human night with Royce.

'_Come on, baby! Give in to it!' My fiancée tore at my dress. His friends laughed, and joined his, their rough hands pulling at my hair, bringing tears to my eyes. Royce swiped his hand against my cheek, leaving a bruise. _

'_Aw baby, stop crying. It'll feel good in a minute.' He taunted, and once again his friends chuckled. _

"Stop it, Rosalie!" Edward said sharply, his eyes wild. I swallowed and began to remember again.

_Royce pounded into my virgin core, over and over, the pain was terrible. It felt like he was tearing my skin. His big hands squeezed my exposed breasts, digging his nails in and ripping the delicate flesh. Blood dripped onto my stomach. Royce's mouth crashed onto mine and he bit my lip. I couldn't breathe, his pudgy body squashing my own form. He finished and I felt relief flood me. Then one of his friends descended on me, unbuckling his trousers and entering me swiftly. This time was worse, because despite the blood and scratches my body responded, and I felt my muscles tightening. The ambivalence was unbelievable. I was screaming in pleasure, but also screaming in pain and self-loathing. _

'_Ha ha, you made her come, the little bitch. Let me try!' Another man said. I opened my eyes as he rolled off me. My thighs were bruised and bloodied, and the man beside me, his now flaccid penis was covered with my blood. I resisted the urge to throw up. _

Rosalie! I'm sorry, alright? I can't help it, I'm sorry." He looked stressed. I couldn't even feel sorry for him, because it didn't happen to him.

"Why don't you find me attractive?" I wondered suddenly. He looked surprised, then grateful, then upset.

"You are attractive, Rose. There's no question about you attractiveness."

"Then why don't you love me?"

"Rose, it is possible for one to find someone, or something beautiful and not love it romantically. I love you Rose, but you're my sister."

I pouted. Edward was so pretentious; sometimes I just wanted to kill him. I hated him.

****

Alice danced around me. I used to envy her grace, but I realised there was nothing she had I should envy. Her child's body could never compare to mine.

"I love this skirt, don't you?" She laughed. I shrugged.

"Guess what? Carlisle thinks Jasper is ready to go to school! How excellent is that?" Her pure happiness irritated me. Eventually she picked up on my mood.

"What's wrong?"

I pursed my lips. "You're so goddamn happy. Can't you have some fucking sympathy for those of us who remember what it's like to be human?"

"I'm sorry; I'm like this for Jasper. He needs me to be happy. He makes me happy."

"Your whole life, focused on Jasper. You don't even remember why you're like this. You can't remember what it was like being soft and warm, and having every one trust you. So you can't miss it. I hate you, Alice. I hate your acceptance of this life, and your perpetual happiness." I hadn't meant to say that, but it slipped out. Alice's face fell.

"I'm sorry."

****

Jasper and Emmett were wrestling on the lawn. Esme and Carlisle were out, so they were really going for it. Snarls, growls and low hisses filled the air. I loved the way Emmett moved.

"Damn you're quick." My husband laughed, trying to grab Jasper. My eyes took in the blonde vampire, and I repressed a shudder. The one good thing about being a vampire is the beauty, and Jasper chose to pass on that one too. The scars that marred his neck and face and most likely his chest, they were disgusting. I felt a glimpse of pity for Alice. She was in love with him; she had to have sex with him. Edward shot me a dirty look.

"Jasper's definitely going to win this one." He stated acidly, before smiling at Alice, who was rather obviously his favourite sister. The two of them began to talk, and I knew I hated Jasper too. He was a blemish in my picture perfect world.

****

"Oh fuck, Rose." Emmett groaned as he came. I climbed off his lap, and cuddled beside him. He smiled at me.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, baby." He smiled lazily, wrapping one of his strong arms around me. My heart was full to bursting with love for him. I ran my fingers over his perfectly toned stomach.

"Rosalie, I thought you said you wanted to enjoy the post-coital hug this time?" He looked at me questioningly.

"I can't resist you, Em." I wrapped my fingers around his already hard cock, and he breathed in sharply. And then I realised it. I was happy. I'd been happy for years in this life. And as I thought of this, I recognised that I hated Emmett, for making me happy. I so desperately wanted to be angry and resentful. But I was happy, and I loved my family.


End file.
